Appetite Lost a creative exploration of bilingual identity

Abstract

Writing equals voice. Voice equals identity. Everyone wrestles with each. I write not to find my voice, but to pacify it until it is quiet. Voice is the expiration of air so that the vocal chords vibrate audibly. Sometimes air passes through my lips quietly; voice does not come to me easily. I am an Asian-American woman and native English speaker, born and raised in the diverse multicultural community of Hawai'i. I learned Spanish as an adult and have since chosen to write in both languages. I have quite a different situation from other bilingual authors but can relate to their search for a tangible identity. For me this search began with the assertion of identity, a certainty that I had taken for granted. However, the creative process, from journal writing to the final polished vignettes, enacted a problem of identity. The process resulted in an uncertain identity. This uncertainty does not indicate futility. The process has been difficult, but has resulted in a liberation from a self-assured identity unreceptive to change.