Where does my mother end / where do I begin: A lyric memoir on matrescence and estrangement

Abstract

This creative dissertation is a hybrid nonfiction collection of essays and poems titled Where Does My Mother End / Where Do I Begin: A Lyric Memoir on Matrescence and Estrangement that follows a woman in early adulthood through her journey of adult child estrangement while she embarks on becoming a new mother. The collection walks alongside the narrator as she begins to understand and mourn the true nature of her co-enmeshed relationship with her mother and the emotional abusive cycles tied to the women in her family. As she begins to distance herself from her mother, she ultimately makes the difficult decision to go no-contact in order to protect herself once she finds out she is pregnant with her first child. The aftermath of this estrangement weaves across time and countries as the journey of healing and forgiveness begins. The narrator confronts how to become a mother without a mother, how to reparent herself in anticipation of her own child’s arrival, and how to move forward as an estranged daughter. The themes and ideas found in this creative dissertation center around the heritage of mothering in relation to intergenerational trauma, healing, transformation, and reclamation of self.