A Murmur in the Weeds: A Memoir

Abstract

My mother ushered her three children into the living room to greet her new friend coming to dinner. I was nine and tired of new. I wanted the old, my old house, my old school, my old family. Like a caged tigress keen for the full expression of her power unleashed, my mother paced behind the screen door. "He's here!" she said. I anchored myself to the shag carpet, refusing to move for a man-friend, a man who was not my dad. I watched her wrap around him as he set his suitcase down, embracing her in an uplifted bear hug. My younger siblings jumped in curiosity, welcoming this stranger with open arms. In the pit of my stomach, my suspicions stirred an unsettled feeling awake – a feeling that would later grow into a reality of fear and sorrow that invaded and settled into my entire being. This is a project in life-writing. The story of my youth is a source of pain for me. Even as I begin with this abstract, I am working through the complicated nature of shame and trauma from years of abuse as a child. I wrote my story as a way of coping and making meaning through writing. In addition, my work benefits from research on the specific issues within the genre of autobiography/creative non-fiction/memoir. My goals for this project are to engage in the therapeutic nature of writing, sharpen my narrative skills, and to perhaps inspire others with painful stories to undertake their own healing process on paper.