Drawn out of fear: parasites and compulsions

Abstract

Over the last ten years I have found myself repeatedly drawing a set of organic forms. In recent years this set of forms has developed into a type of language that quotes itself over and over again through the repetition of shapes, mark-making and translation through line. Though at first unconscious, drawing these amoeba-or cell-like structures that repeat, grow, and change has become a compulsive act that is a way of attempting to make the unseen pathogens that I fear visible and tangible. The exhibition, Drawn Out of Fear: Parasites and Compulsions, is an opportunity to make this compulsion intentional and beneficial in allowing me to examine and make sense of this need so that I may better understand that which I fear and to learn to gain a sense of control over that fear through my actions. My drawings provide a sense of relief that aids in keeping that fear in check. This sense of relief is achieved through a type of exorcism of these forms. Their release through the act of drawing calms my mind through a controlled outlet that prevents me from becoming overwhelmed. In this project, from which the exhibition Drawn Out of Fear: Parasites and Compulsions is derived, I have set out a series of parameters; a system for examining and understanding my fear of the parasitic and need to visualize that fear on a daily basis. The first goal of this project is to chronicle and document my personal responses to items I perceive to have a parasitic reference in my environment over the span of one year beginning on October 21st of 2010. This documentation takes two forms: First, through the formation of a database of photographs and found imagery taken from my immediate environment showing the items that I perceived to have a parasitic reference, second through the development of a series of small-scale drawings responding to the item I found to have a parasitic reference. This series of drawings is a type of visual diary tracking my obsession and compulsion to draw these forms on a daily basis. To find an item to have a parasitic reference it can either be a literal reference or, can be inspired through the form, function or multiplicity of the item. While the first goal of this project is to document the items in my environment that I perceive to have a parasitic reference, the second goal of this project is to examine the relationship between the nature of fear itself and how it relates to the idea of the parasitic. I propose that fear in itself takes on a parasitic nature once it has infected the human psyche. The third and final goal of this project is to ascertain whether it is possible to gain control over my fear.